peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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