She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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