cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are we still banned from the library?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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