Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
