Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
