He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
