She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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