I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
