So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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