well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
