That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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