This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
