i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
