He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
