epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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