the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
