I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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