To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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