In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
