He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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