my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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