never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
