cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize