There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
