I wanna passion pit in your ass
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my liver is dry heaving
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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