I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
