Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
