I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The Olympian is in my bed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
