Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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