She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
