just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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