Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
