I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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