i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
