guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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