forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
