im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
