; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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