dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
