Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
