So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize