do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
