OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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