I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
