I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
