hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
