i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
