Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
