carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
