I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The adults are the big ones right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
