He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
