I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
