Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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