is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
