i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
