when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
