I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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