Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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