she was so not down for the gang bang
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
