No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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