So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
