Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
