apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
