Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
