I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
