I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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