So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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